Telling children that you are divorcing is one of the hardest parts of the divorce process. In almost every case, the children think it is somehow their fault, or at least believe they are partially to blame. One child may think, “If I had only made the team…” or “If I had only gotten better grades…” then my parents would have stayed together. It is important to let the children know that the divorce is not their fault, and that they had nothing to do with their parents’ decision to part. It is also important not to let the children hear you disparage the other parent and blame them for the divorce.
Some children may think they will have to go to court and testify about where they want to live or which parent they “pick.” Children need to be reassured that this will not happen. Although a child aged 12 or older may be asked to talk to the Judge at some point, it will not be for quite some time so does not need to be addressed in the initial meeting of telling the children you plan on divorcing.
Tell the Children Together
No matter how difficult it may be, experts agree that both parents should put their animosity toward each other behind them for long enough to sit down with the children together and tell them about the divorce. For the children, their entire world is falling apart. They need to know that they are not being abandoned and that both parents still love them and will be around for them.
Most Texas courts have standing orders that the parents are not supposed to disparage the other one in front of the children or within the children’s hearing. Disparagement happens all too frequently, and the courts hope to minimize it as much as possible.
Benefits of a Collaborative Divorce When Telling the Children
In a collaborative divorce, there is the benefit of having a team work together. There is a mental health specialist and perhaps a child specialist. All are involved in the meeting with the parents and the attorneys. The attorneys help coach the parents on how best to break the news of the divorce to the children, and how best to handle the difficult questions the children are going to ask. It is a much more civilized way to approach divorce.
For More Information About Divorce Contact an Experienced Dallas Family Law Attorney
To schedule a free initial consultation with a Dallas Family Law Attorney, contact Paula Lock Smyth Law Offices at 214-420-1800.
Paula Lock Smyth has practiced law in Texas since 1985, focusing on Family Law, Probate, Mediation, and Collaborative Divorce. She is a trained mediator, seasoned litigator, and one of the early adopters of Collaborative Divorce in Texas. Paula is a member of the State Bar of Texas, the College of the State Bar and the Texas Bar Foundation and has served as Past President of Dallas Lawyers Concerned for Lawyers. She was a Master in the Annette Stewart Inn of Court and is a Charter Member of the Collaborative Law Institute of Texas. Her legal knowledge and decades of experience make her a trusted voice on matters that impact families across Dallas and surrounding counties.